at this point of time, im hating him so much so that I wish that we could all take our bags and walk out on him. why must all these happen after it has not for a period of time? he was doing good, infact so much better than before but why now again? everytime such things happen, im so worried what might happen in the end. many wild thoughts jus run through like that. i always thought maybe things would get better as we all grow up and my parents getting older waiting to retire. but i was wrong. so wrong bout him. i thought for once, he had decided not to be like what he was in the past. why could everyone changed in the family except him. i feel so upset everytime i think about it. in fact, i wish life was like what happen in tv shows, so happy even with the surface of conflicts, they could all resolve and be happy together. the reality isn't like what happened in shows. infact,it might even be worse. i hope this long night would end really fast. i hate it when lights are off and im sitting alone in the dark room, fearing whats next.