thinkings.

Some days, I feel demoralized(wouldn't use the word useless so easily on myself anymore). When I flipped open my lecture notes, my mind literally goes blank for a moment or so. I'd be asking myself "wth have I been busy with nowadays again?" To the extend that I neglect my studies w/o me knowing. Initially when I was still contemplating whether I should go for UOL, half of me could foresee this scene happening and I was right about it. I get so influenced by my surrounding and people around me. I totally lack self discipline which I SHOULD have instilled in long ago, maybe 5months back when UOL started. Seriously disappointed with myself for being sucha loser sometimes when it comes to studies. I know I can do it but I just had to ruin it. Urgh, gets so frustrating. I really really(x a million) need to get myself more disciplined in '10!

Looking back, I wouldn't have achieved so many things in life w/o my parents around. They've been the world's greatest parents(ok, at least to me they are). They never fail to be there for me, support me through my studies and many other things, never giving up on be despite me turning rebellious 2yrs ago. I thank god for them. Without them, I wouldn't have achieved so far in life today.

I've seen many different types of people ard. Through these years, the true ones stays. There're people leaving my life too. Some of them left and came back too(which im really very very happy) and some never ever turn back. It's kinda of a happy and sad thing sometimes. But till now, I'm glad I've friends who're really true to me and be there for me to support me when I need them. Also, it was through recent yrs that made me not to trust people easily except for my very close friends. I just learnt to be more cautious towards people now.

And when I thought mayb love isn't a thing for me now, I met bin. It was kinda a no-one-expected-thing that we would end up together. For me, I totally didn't foresee it coming. Initially, I still had a hard time digesting the fact that I'd met someone so different from what I've always been looking for. At one point of time, I really couldn't accept it at all. but then many things made me changed my perception into accepting him and trying out this whole r/s. Well at the very least, i'm glad I could feel that he loves me whole-heartedly. Sometimes as we grow older, the expectations we've for our partner would not be as high as when we were 16or17rs old. Simple things like: knowing that he's someone who can be there when you need him and loves u whole-heartedly, it'll be more than enough.

Just realise many changes had taken place within these 2yrs. My life changed so much. To something more simpler but I'm much happier this way. Thanks to all my friends who have been around still :> My forever ZJ family; twiny, yvonne&zombie ; The always crazy yet sweet lovely girl:yunyun ; hiem bi hiam; kedrick ; the joker: Noel ; my lovely jiemei; ginnie, estee, candy,sandy,mingming ; forever havoc colleagues; ky, sam, nini, coreen, shirin, rebec, anqi, fel, moses ; always teasing me assholes(the happy pills); amos, brandon, dan, win, tiff, geraldine, angie, ivan. I'm really glad I had these people with me all these while. bin jus called me, got to go now! :>